5 ways to love bomb you relationship

If you have a partner who leaves you gifts and love notes or calls in the middle of the day to say how much he adores you then you can probably stop reading now. Honestly we’re thrilled for you but 5 ways to love bomb your relationship isn’t going to be of much help to you!

No, we’re talking to those of you who are on a speed spin cycle of work, school, home and socialising with a half a percent of the cycle left for relationships. You know who you are. We’re the ones who kind of know it’s Valentines Day coming up and feel we ought to commemorate it but honestly, we’re just a bit too cynical to get sucked in.  And we’re not bothering with a romantic dinner out (too commercial, too expensive plus WE would have to organise it), instead we’re cooking à deux at home.

So with Cupid’s help, The Nub this month gives you 5 ways to love bomb your relationship…

1. Know your language of love

It sounds obvious right? Good communication is the basis for any relationship. Be engaged, be interested and listen to what your partner is saying even if it’s about his rock collecting hobby (ok there may be exceptions to that rule). We are all unique though and have different ways of expressing ourselves and ways in which we want to be loved.  You may be familiar with the five different love languages that sets us apart from each other?

Love to you might be getting quality time, words of affirmation, gifts (oh ok then), acts of service (if that means ironing his shirts he’s out of luck) or physical touch (yes please). You’ll probably find you relate to a few of these or some more than others. And chances are you may prioritise these differently to your partner. The bestselling book the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, is brilliant in explaining the importance of knowing which language matters most to you. Understanding each others language can really help bring your communication to the next level. Get the balance right so you don’t go buying him an expensive gift when all he wanted was a shoulder rub!  Find out which language you speak in this fun quiz.

2. Show Appreciation

It’s easy to by-pass the little things that often go unnoticed. Like the secret ‘are-you-ok?’ look at a party when you are stuck with the bore of the bunch. Or the flowers he picked up for you at the supermarket and plonked on the kitchen table. Who cares that they weren’t ceremoniously presented, the fact is he thought of you. Or when he gets up earlier to take the dog for a walk just to free your day up a bit. Or that he poured you a glass of wine at the end of the day when you’ve lost your lungs screaming at the kids (that’d be every day then). Acknowledge and thank him for those little things.

Think about the little things that would make him happy – it might be as simple as putting the lid on the toothpaste (if only life were so simple), cooking his favourite meal or planning a night out together.

3. Making time

We love the start of the year because our diaries are empty and the months ahead are full of possibilities. But come February it’s rammed with dinner and kids parties, weekends away with friends, with precious little time left for each other. It’s hard to say no to people particularly if you are very social but we would advocate blocking out weekends in the diary and spending time with each other (and your family). You don’t need to give an excuse – just try not to get sucked into every pot luck dinner party going in your neighbourhood. If you have trouble saying no have a read of 5 ways to say No and not feel guilty.

Snatch pockets of time together whenever you can.  Push ‘Pause’ when you say goodbye in the morning and hello at the end of the day to connect properly.  You may be about to spill the nightmare of your day onto him but at least start with a hug or a kiss first.  If you’re not already doing it eat at the kitchen table rather than on your lap watching TV.  In fact turn off all devices until you’ve had a chance to catch up at the end of the day. After that go curl up on the sofa together with Netflix!

4. Get your thrills

When you’ve been in a long term relationship for years it’s only natural that the hot intensity that brought you together will start to wane. You’re probably not having spontaneous passionate encounters on every surface of the house for a start. You know each other so well by now that it’s easy not to feel the need to reinvigorate your relationship.  So what do you do to keep things fresh and fun? (nurses outfits aside!)  We all seem to put energy into date nights which are great for catching up & spending time together but will they really re-ignite that spark again?

To purposefully kick start that change you need the rush of excitement of experiencing something new together. Put plainly, you need to inject that fun and promise into your relationship again.  It will help to mimic those feelings you had when you first met.  We’re not suggesting jumping off a plane together (although that would work) but learning how to tango together, going on a rollercoaster ride, going to a rock concert, staying up till dawn dancing or going to a cheesy karaoke bar would be a good start. Get out of your comfort zone a bit and who knows, you might actually bring your relationship to a whole new level.

5. Intimacy

For a lot of women, showing affection or love through physical touch would rate highly of the five love languages.  Physical touch isn’t just for the bedroom, a simple act of holding hands, hugging, kissing or a fleeting touch is enough to express your love. So next time you’re doing the dishes together and you get a playful tea-towel whip on the backside remember – it’s love!

Apparently whenever you reunite with your partner, you should offer a hug that lasts at least 20 seconds as it is long enough for oxytocin, the feel-good bonding hormone, to be released. We’ve done the test (giving a hug whilst secretly keeping one eye on our timer) and we can confirm it’s about 17 seconds too long! In fact questions were asked about our wellbeing after that hugging episode. The trick is that both people are supposed to consent to the long hug – and see how it feels. Consent contract to the ready next time!  Same goes for proper full on kissing? We won’t lie, going in for a full snog in the middle of the day at home seems a bit farcical but maybe there’s no harm to revisit our twenties and see how it pans out. We’ll keep you posted!

If you enjoyed 5 ways to love bomb your relationship, you might enjoy 5 ways to know you are a grown up